oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
