You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
