You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
