called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
