You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
