Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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