Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
