He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
