This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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