I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
