I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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