I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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