I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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