i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
time to smoke my breakfast
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will pee on everything he values.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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