if only i could text you this smell
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
