I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
