What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
