just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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