he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
