My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i believe in u and ur pee
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
