I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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