nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My vagina is officially offended.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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