You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
