I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
