Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
