I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
