I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We need to get me chipped asap
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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