and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
