My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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