Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
