And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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