if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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