I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
