there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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