please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
