I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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