oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
