i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
