you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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