so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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