did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
