dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
