can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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