We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
