Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
