ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
