somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my shit smells like andre
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
