Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
