sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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