if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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