The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
