I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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