He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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