I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
