I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
